Parenting 101
The following is by John Rosemond, published in late 2009, in the Omaha World Herald. He really nails this topic:
Parents need to exit 1960s
I don't know about you, but I ready for the 1960s to be over and done with. That destructive decade has ruled American parenting for 40 years and pretty well ruined it in the process.
Before the '60s, parents sought child-rearing advice from their elders. Since then, parents have sought advice from a professional class -- which is to say, people like me.
Courtesy of Dr. Joyce Brothers, we so-called experts were able convince the American parent of a truly absurd proposition: to wit, that a 35-year-old who possesses a graduate degree in child psychology, has been married for five years, and has one child, age 2, knows more about children and how to raise them properly than an 85-year-old woman who never finished either grade but who raised 10 kids into successful adulthoods.
I was driving down the 405 in Los Angeles to other day, getting really worked up about all this. Instead of road rage, I was having an attack of psychobabble rafe. I started thinking about the really dumb thins that the babblers began telling parents in the 1960s.
Take, for example, "children need to be able to freely express their feelings." In 1969, when Willie and I parents, we believed that. It took three years for us to snap out of it, but by then our first child ruled our family by freely and loudly expressing his feelings whenever we failed to obey him.
It took a while, but I finally realized that children should not be allowed to freely express anything. The natural inclination of the child is anti-social, narcissistic. Children believe that what they want, they deserve to have, and because they deserve it, the ends justify the means.
Tyrants believe the same thing. Therefore, children are tyrants by nature. Give a tyrant/child an inch, and the tyrant/child will demand a mile.
Parents show their love for their neighbors by forcing their children to subdue their "inner bullies" and show respect for the needs of others. And yes, force is required. You can't talk a child into giving up delusions of grandeur and omnipotence.
Once force has succeeded in creating a child who will give his parents his undivided attention, then and only then can his parents teach. Force is the horse that pulls the cart of teaching.
And before the child-abuse zealots go nuts, allow me to clarify: I ain't talkin' 'bout spanking (although I am not completely eliminating the option, either). The most effective parenting force is applied calmly, but with steely resolve.
Just as a child should learn that certain behavior is inappropriate to certain situations, a child should learn that the expression of certain feelings is inappropriate to certain situations. Children should learn that it is wrong to get mad when one loses a game, laugh when someone trips or cry when one doesn't get one's way. Just as a child's behavior must be disciplined, so must his feelings.
So must a child's thinking. Children should learn that certain thoughts are correct and other thoughts are wrong. After all, wrong thinking leads almost inevitably to wrong behavior.
On all three counts -- behavior, feelings, and thinking -- parents need to be unequivocal. They need to make themselves clear on what they expect and what they will not tolerate.
Yes, American parents need to wake up from the 1960s, take the flowers out of their hair, roll up their shirtsleeves and get back to the work of raising good citizens, defined simply as people who would rather serve than be served, people with more other-esteem than self-esteem.
Now, any of you who know me, or have followed this blog, you already know that this fine author is simply echoing my thoughts, and has a very similar view of life as we see it today, in this country. Parenting is an artform, and it needs much more recognition than it has gotten over the past forty years. For more from John Rosemond, visit his webswite at http://www.rosemond.com/ He has a lot of great stuff for your perusal.
My recent seminar on "Saving Our Children," held at the Omaha Westside Community Center had a wonderful effect, after I was consulted about an attendee's teenaged son, who is addicted to violent video games. I had included information about the statistics of involvement of these kinds of addicts in the past ten years school and shopping mall shootings, (100% with no exceptions), and some alternative behavioral substitutions were suggested for the effects of withdrawal that are coming. The father was an attendee, and was very concerned about this behavior, and the debilitating effects that it may cause to manifest in his son, . . . that situation is being monitored, and we have high hopes of a successfull outcome.
I also want to thank everyone who attended. The turnout was great. We have scheduled another seminar on "Empowering Women" scheduled for the same location on April 19, 2011 at 7:00 PM sharp. It is another Tuesday evening, and if you're available, you will enjoy the presentation. Once again, CEUs are available to certain professions. For pricing and reservations, please call 402-312-5924.
God Bless,
Cindy Sorensen
